Welcome to Issue 66 of A Good Reputation, a newsletter about how to tell a better story to build better brands. (Did someone send you? Subscribe here.) (Miss past issues? Read those here.)

Hello Reader,

In a book I’ve been reading about how our lives and identities are shaped by the stories we tell, the author pointed to a study that found we humans spend between 30 to 40% of our time talking about ourselves. Online, that number jumps to 80% of what we say. Why?

For starters, it just feels good.

Researchers found that when we share about ourselves, we trigger the reward centers in our brain that give us the same sensation of pleasure as food or money.

It feels so good that people are willing to give up food and money in order to have dedicated self-disclosure time. (Which is probably why so many of us engage in very expensive therapy or coaching.)

But feeling good is just part of the reason.

When we share something personal with another individual or audience, we’re also collaboratively shaping our experiences and co-creating meaning.

A Good Story

Last week, when I shared my persona​l reflection about connecting with my body and purpose on the New Narratives retreat, much of the meaning I came away with happened in conversation with other participants after the fact. It was further shaped by my partner, my friends, my kids, and my mom—all of whom listened to my story and gave it their own meaning while reflecting things back that continued to shape mine.

And then when I wrote about it to an audience—this audience—I received a dozen more new perspectives that continue to help me create a meaningful narrative of that experience.

One reader, for instance, noticed I was still trying to stay in control by “hanging on to this feeling for as long as I can.” Maybe, he suggested, I try to do the opposite and let the experience of each moment move through me like waves, over and over again.

Another pointed out that caring for your inner child is one way to set yourself free from suppressed pain. So now I’m tossing that idea around, too.

While it felt good to get the story out of my system and into the world, the more rewarding part was feeling heard and allowing others to help me figure out what I need it all to mean.

All that’s to say that the people listening (or reading) don’t just receive our stories—they help shape them.

And so often when we get stuck—whether it’s trying to shape our positioning or develop our premise or figure out what to say on our websites or choosing the next best step for our businesses or connecting with enough of the right people—it’s because we forget that we’re not the sole authors of our stories.

We need listeners, mirrors, witnesses—people who help us see what our experiences are trying to tell us. People who give us an alternative perspective, point out our blind spots, and (when needed) nudge us to consider approaching our situation a different way.

Maybe I do need to spend a little more time getting in touch with and caring for my inner child. Or maybe I just need to be more aware of how it’s all feeling in my body, bear witness to it, and let it move with me.

A Good Hesitation

While many of us rarely hesitate to openly share about ourselves with the people in our lives, we don’t feel the same level of confidence sharing those stories with an audience. Because letting a bunch of people into your story—especially the more personal, unfinished, or intimate parts—means giving up some control over how it’s received.

What if they misunderstand you? What if they judge you? What if they reduce something meaningful into something simplistic or get it completely wrong?

Those are all valid fears. But here’s how I like to look at it: What if we took every response, thoughtful or off-base, simply as more information?

The person who reflects something back that you hadn’t considered is helping you name what you can’t yet see. The person who builds on your idea or offers a different lens is helping you expand the meaning beyond your own perspective.

And what about that jerk who completely misunderstands and pushes back? They’re pressure testing your thinking. They’re showing you where your story might be unclear, incomplete, or open to interpretation. (Or! They might just be a troll—and that’s information, too.)

None of it means they’re right, but all of it can tell you something. And when you start to see your audience this way—simply as contributors—you can shift from protecting your story to truly exploring it.

It’s a practice that allows your story to become more considered, more layered, and ultimately more useful over time—to both you and your audience.

A Good Takeaway

Storytelling is absolutely about feel-good self expression. And, if nothing else, you should tell your story to feel good throughout your day.

But storytelling is also deeply relational. And while the right listener helps us find the meaning we’re too close to see, the right audience—given enough access—can become our co-narrators to help us expand it.

The more generously we let people in, the more generous we can all be with each other.

And doesn't that sound like a nice feeling too?

A Few Good Resources

1. ​This is book I'm reading on the stories that shape our lives.
2. Whoever said there's no such thing as a free lunch? There is, and I'm going. Join me at this free virtual conference for solos on May 14th.
3. My friend, Stacy Eleczko, is running a listening tour. In exchange for your time, she's giving away a strategy session, brand audit or case study guide. Grab a time here.

Hope you have a good one,
Renee