Welcome to Issue 61 of A Good Reputation, a newsletter about how to tell a better story to build better brands. (Did someone send you? Subscribe here.) (Miss past issues? Read those here.)

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Hello Reader,

The first time I truly felt the sting of the old “never meet your heroes” adage was when I attended my first influencer conference.

I was fresh out of culinary school, having left journalism and dipping my toes into the world of online business by attempting to become a food blogger.

In addition to learning more about the algorithm's mysteries, I attended these uniquely specific events to mingle with a handful of internet-famous creators in my space. These were people I admired for their charisma, warmth, and creativity—people I felt like I already knew. And I was fully convinced that once they met me, the feeling would be mutual.

But, one after another, my dream of making new food blogger besties was crushed.

I kept finding that the biggest, most expressive, most magnetic personalities online were surprisingly socially awkward and reserved in person. The worst, like snooty movie stars, were downright cold and dismissive.

My amateur psychology take at the time was that when you’re protected by a screen, it’s easier to let your freak flag fly. You can be bolder, more confident, and more engaging—the version of yourself that might feel risky in real life. Meanwhile, in person, you’re just as weird as the rest of us.

While there were plenty of exceptions, I left that time in my life under the assumption that the bolder you are on the internet, the meeker you are in person.

What’s funny is that now, in the era of everyone trying to build an online persona, I’m constantly running into folks dealing with the exact opposite problem.

Many of the online connections I meet offline or end up working with are smart, warm, charming, funny, and deeply opinionated humans in real life.

But the moment they open their LinkedIn, Substack, or Instagram, they button themselves up. They write like they’re submitting a term paper, and sand down anything that might come off as too bold, too weird, too playful, or too much.

In other words, they trade their personality for what they think builds credibility online.

But what they’re really doing is also hiding behind a screen—just not in the way that'll make them internet famous.

I don’t know which corporate overlord decided personality was a liability, but they’ve done a phenomenal job convincing us to hide it.

And loosening that grip—even a little—can change how it feels to show up.

A Good Reframe

This tension—the gap between who we are and who we think we’re allowed to be online—was the throughline of every conversation I had this month.

As part of the programming for my storytelling community, I brought in speakers and workshop leaders to teach us how to be funnier. The reason is that humor is a core element of great storytelling and brand building.

Very serious scientific brain studies have proven that when you make someone laugh, it makes you more likable, memorable, and trustworthy.

While I learned a few new tricks and frameworks for how to lighten things up, the biggest lesson I took away from these conversations actually had little to do with how to be funny and more to do with being willing to show up more freely. (Which is a little annoying, considering learning how to be funny feels much easier than learning how to let go.)

Last week, we heard from two people who came at this from very different angles, but landed in the same place:

• ​Amanda Austin, who led us through improv exercises that made it painfully obvious how much control we try to maintain at all times.
• And Jillian Richards, who talked about how leaning into a more irreverent, playful online persona didn’t just grow her business—it made her actually enjoy it.

These two women are funny pretty much all of the time, and downright irreverent some of the time.

What I found most surprising was that, in a Q&A with my community, Jillian shared that she’s actually way edgier online than she is in person.

In real life, she’s a people pleaser who’s always smoothing the edges and wants everyone to feel comfortable. But online, she lets herself explore a different part of her personality—the part that openly (and often) talks about buttholes and menstrual cycles.

When I asked her if she thinks this is somewhat inauthentic, she responded that it's simply a part of her personality that she feels more comfortable exploring online.

I, for one, loved that answer because we talk a lot about “authenticity” as if there’s only one acceptable version of ourselves. And yes, consistency matters, but the reality is that we show up as different versions of ourselves all the time, depending on the context. Who you are in a work meeting isn’t who you are with your family at the dinner table.

So, who you are on the internet could be an extension of the person you wish you could be in person. (And in these times, it seems like the bolder you can be, the better.)

Jillian, for one, shared that while her irreverence probably turns some people off, it hasn’t held her back. She’s now in talks with executives at massive companies—serious businesses, boring government contractors—who are up for having a little more fun in their content.

Amanda, meanwhile, is a booked-out speaker who leads improv workshops focused on idea generation and team building. And her online persona includes videos of her nearly faceplanting at the trampoline park.

The point is, having more fun and being big personalities isn’t holding either of them back. If anything, it’s making the work more consistent and sustainable.

A Good Takeaway

I’m not encouraging you to be someone you’re not, but it might be worth noting how much you’re hiding behind the screen versus seeing it as an opportunity to explore a different (perhaps bolder) side of yourself.

Because at the end of the day, most of us are the biggest blockers to our own visibility.

It’s not the algorithm (okay, sometimes it is). And it’s not saturation. It’s our grip.

It’s our need to control how we’re perceived, our fear of being misunderstood, or our instinct to perform competence instead of allowing connection by being a little more playful, a little more experimental, and a little more alive online.

This week, why not try writing and publishing the thing you’d normally talk yourself out of? What would it feel like to stop censoring yourself for just one post?

Worst-case scenario, someone unfollows you. Best case, you have more fun marketing yourself.

And remember: you can always hit delete.

A Few Good Resources

1. If you need a group to hold you accountable to showing up more boldly online (as well as opportunities to learn from people like Jillian and Amanda), Tuesday, Jan. 20th, is THE LAST DAY to join the next storytelling cohort.
2. Speaking of funny, my friend Bri wrote a book about starting a portfolio career that's both deeply insightful and hilarious.
3. It's a little harsh, but this resonated with me.

Hope you have a good one,
Renee