Welcome to Issue 26 of A Good Reputation, a newsletter about how to use storytelling to grow your brand. (Did someone send you? Subscribe here.)

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Hello Reader,

I spoke in front of a conference room of a hundred founders this week and—although (I’m pretty sure) I played it cool—I was terrified.

I spend most of Monday anxiously preparing for it and most of Tuesday wishing for it to be over.

Then, as soon as it was done, the self-doubt crept in.

Did I share too much?
Did I stick my foot in my mouth?
Did I completely embarrass myself?
Did I sound like I know what I’m talking about?

And…

Is it always going to feel this hard?

“Yes,” my boyfriend, a teacher with nearly 20 years of public speaking experience, said answering that last question. “But, it gets easier.”

The more you know your material and the more practiced you get at delivering it, he went on, the more comfortable you get at presenting.

Okay, sure. I get that this is probably true for public speaking.

But the part that might always be there—the one that'll stubbornly stick around until I'm in my 80s and give zero shits—is the fear of judgment that stems from the extremely vulnerable act of putting yourself out there in public.

And you don’t have to be on a stage in front of a hundred people to feel that anxiety. Most of us feel it from behind our computers.

When trying to build our reputations to grow our business or amplify our impact, the worry becomes more about sharing too much, saying the wrong thing, looking dumb, and ultimately losing credibility. (Spiteful forums like this only make it worse.)

But credibility isn’t just about looking smart or sounding like the expert I’m sure you are. Credibility has a couple of layers. (Which I’ll get into.)

Ultimately, it's a dance between coming off as competent and relatable.

Sharing your expertise through everyday stories and lived experiences can allow you to accomplish both things at the same time. And once you get going, finding those stories can be easy.

The hard part?

Finding a balance between being relatable without undermining your authority. It’s sharing without oversharing. It’s honesty within the confines of marketing yourself and your business or your big idea.

As a chronic over-sharer, I walk that fine line. Admittedly, I don’t do a great job of not oversharing in person. But I do pay extra attention to what I publish publicly online or say on a stage.

And I can’t be held responsible for anything I published on Facebook or Instagram when I was young and dumb. (Okay, fine, I take responsibility.)

So, how do you use stories to build your credibility without hurting it? And what’s the fine line between what to share online and what to keep to happy hour with friends?

Let’s get into it.

But first, let me close the loop on this story.

A Good Lesson

After reflecting on my talk, several signs indicate that I did a pretty good job. (Better than my self-doubt monster was giving me credit for, at least.)

For one, people laughed at my story at the start. I told this one.

For two, lots of people took photos of my slides throughout the talk, indicating that they found the information useful. That felt good.

For three, there were plenty of good questions at the end. I’ll also take it as a win that no one walked out or fell asleep.

Lastly, a handful of people reached out on LinkedIn afterward to tell me they loved it and wanted a copy of my presentation.

My point here—the lesson—is that so much of that fear of judgment and anxiety and self-doubt is all in our heads. We are our biggest critics.

But you knew that already, right? (Just sharing in case you forgot this week.)

Now, on to those guidelines and guardrails to make you feel more confident about sharing your story publicly.

A Good Takeaway

Full disclosure: I’m not an expert on credibility. But, social psychologist Susan Fiske is.

And she and her super smart Princeton colleagues conducted a study (which later resulted in a framework) on how people size each other up.

What she found is that people decide if someone is credible based on two things:

1. Warmth (how friendly, approachable, and trustworthy they seem), and
2. Competence (how skilled and capable they appear).

What that means for us is that if we want to appear credible and earn people’s trust over time, just sharing the facts or our cold, hardwon expertise won’t cut it.

On the other hand, if we share too much personal information we might increase our relatability, but at the expense of competence (making us seem less authoritative or capable). To break it down into simple maths:

Too much storytelling without expertise = relatable but not authoritative.
Too much expertise without any storytelling = credible but unapproachable.

Got it? Good.

Okay, so how do we do the storytelling thing without oversharing to the extent that we risk damaging our reputation?

First, remember why you’re showing up.

Maybe you’re building a reputation to become a thought leader who gets asked to speak on stages, a creator who sells courses, a founder who’s fundraising, or a service provider who’s marketing their business. Whatever the reason, you have a goal. And when telling a story, ask yourself:

Does this story serve my goal?

And does this experience tie back to a realization or lesson I’ve learned that showcases my character, my values, my opinions, or my expertise?

Keep in mind that not all experiences you share need a lesson related to what you sell or teach.

Sometimes, you can just tell a story that highlights your humanity and shows that you’re the kind of person someone wants to hire, fund, or work with.

Where I see people running into trouble is forcing a story into a takeaway or a takeaway into a story when it just doesn’t fit.

Sharing an experience like “I just got married and here’s what it taught me about B2B sales” gets a lot of shame and feels disingenuous and forced because it (probably) is.

(But really, who are we to judge? Maybe the guy really does love his wife as much as he loves sales. IDK.)

My point is that if you feel like you’re forcing a takeaway or your experience into a story where there’s not a natural fit, then it’s probably because you are.

As for oversharing?

My best gauge for sharing stories that are honest without wading into the murky waters of oversharing or "trauma dumping" is to think about the reaction you’re going for. Ask yourself:

Am I looking for sympathy?
Am I processing out loud?
Am I sharing this to help or unload?
Is this something I’ll find embarrassing when I’m all grown up? (Well, probably.)

If the answer to any of those questions is yes, then chances are you might be oversharing.

When in doubt, my friend Alyx reminded me of the adage, “Share from the scar, not the wound.” An oldie, but a goodie.

And if you’re still in doubt, trust your gut. (Or run it by me.)

I have a few things sitting in my drafts because I’m not sure they’ll land. Or they feel too personal. Or I’m not clear on whether they’ll attract the right people. I listen to that.

Ultimately, it comes down to having a lot of self-awareness. And that’s hard.

We'll all stumble at some point. But remember that most people—especially the ones worth your time—will overlook it if you consistently show up as honestly as possible over time.

A Few Good Resources

1. If you're struggling to clearly and confidently explain what you do, my friend Stacy has 8 spots left in her Brand Story Bootcamp. You must buy this because if you do she'll come to Mexico with me.
2. Speaking of Mexico: If you read this newsletter, you must be my peoples. Will you come to Mexico with me?!​
3. Keiran Drew recorded an excellent video about how to find and share stories around your core values that I might steal for my next newsletter.

Hope you have a good one,
Renee